Oh so rewarding.

Today was a great day. Wednesdays are clinic days for the surgeon I work for. He sees 25-30 patients every Wednesday. 13 new patients and the rest are return patients anywhere from 6 weeks to 10 or so years out from surgery. I am beginning to see the impact I can have on these patients. Some come and go with little to say. Others are grateful to me and all I did for them. It blows my mind how grateful these people are that I visited them in the hospital. My job is to see them everyday while they are in the hospital. Often it is just a social visit. On some occasions I help facilitate their care in the hospital or at home. It is amazing what a visit can do for these patients.
Today so many thanked me for all I do for them. It has inspired me and I look forward to visiting my patients each day. I loved working in the hospital hours to days after a surgery. I felt I made a difference there. However, after I discharged the patient I knew little of their care. Now I get to know these patients and their stories. I see them come in desperate for a solution to their pain. Then I get to see them months later grateful for the help they recieved. It is nice to see the whole process and help the patients through this.
I am grateful for this great job I have. I work with a great team of Doctors and medical personnell.
This job has proven to be a challenge, but after today it is all worth it.

A head and heart disconnect...

This is my diagnosis for myself these days. My heart wants to feel and it wants to love like it does best but it cannot because my brain is in overload. When I start to feel I cannot sort through those feelings so my brain takes over. The results are disastrous. Even simply being the support I want to for my friends is too much at times. I wonder how I let things get to this point, but even trying to sort that out is overwhelming.
Hopefully, I can keep my mind in check for ten more weeks. Hopefully, I can distract it with all the studying I have to do.
Luckily, despite the drama I have created for myself I really am happy. I know I am where I need to be. I know I have made the right decision to pursue this education. I am truly blessed. I just hope I do not hurt too many people along the way.